Myself and someone else

I am, without a doubt, a strong woman. I do not tremble for men. I do not fall apart at their whim, nor do I allow them to get away with what they should not get away with. My heart broke because I spoke up for myself. I’m independent and apparently… he didn’t understand that after six months of being together.

I wonder if Mr. Absolutely knows this about me. He’s seen me while working. He knows I’m not one to be trifled with. Still, he runs his hands through my hair as if he understands and accepts this. Or is it just my illusion of him wanting to understand it? I cannot say. I think he understands better than my ex did.

Well, either way, what I’m irritated about– he apologized for. Mr. President* says I should be irritated any more. It just reminds me that I have a problem of letting things go.

But this whole thing is new to me, so I’m going to keep on learning and try to be less of a control freak about things.

I am the queen. I am myself.

It’s been a while, but

I have lots of favorite things about you, but this one could top them all.

Without permission or me needing to ask, you run your fingers through my hair. It makes me smile when you get to a small tangled section and tenderly work your way through it. I think it’s the gentleness that gets me. You’re so tough on the outside. A little proud and arrogant, but unlike most, you deserve to be that way. You live up to your talk. You’re edgy, intelligent and knowledgeable. Committed, independent. Aggressive, soft.

It was the first move you ever made on me was when we were laying next to each other. At first, you took locks of my hair and spun them around your fingers. To be honest, I was scared. It seemed like it had been so long since I had shared such an intimate moment with someone else, but really… it had only been months. I wondered if you just liked my hair, or…. Relief swept over me as you finally pressed into me and kissed me. It’s such a human thing to be hesitant about such honesty. And kissing is honesty on a profound level.

Sometimes I wish everyone could see you like that. How I see you in our moments. Then I’m profoundly glad they’re saved for me. I tuck them neatly away and bring them out so I can smile in those moments where the world is spinning and I can’t grab a hold. Or moments like this, where slept is imminent and I wish you were here.