the him after the him

“Guilt is the price we pay willingly for doing what we are going to do anyway” -Isabelle Holland

I relived it today and I felt guiltier than I’d ever felt about it before. Have I gotten to the point where I would say I wouldn’t of done it? Not really. I say not really because I learned a hell of a lot. That week, as much as I still hate to admit it, was the worst week of my life. I don’t know if being with Woody* made it worse or better. During our long night walks, I know I learned a lot. At a time where I felt silly, insignificant and immature… he made me feel assured, significant and intelligent. I really did learn things that I still hold on to today. The most amazing kissing and chemistry does not equate to good sex. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Those are just two examples. Not to mention the fact that I got to experience something that I can use legitimately in my writing now.

But back to the main point.

Guilt. Yeah. What I did was wrong, there’s no getting around that. I got caught up in the moment. I wanted to feel wanted. I took what he gave. I invited it. There’s not much I can do about it. But I did want to say that I do feel more guilty than I had felt.

*pseudonym